fresh start.

every now and then, i like to change things up...start fresh, you know? well, i felt like it was time for a clean slate, so here it is. hopefully this site will begin to feel like home. i've been thinking about that word lately. home. to be honest, nothing has felt quite like home in a while.

i took this picture on the last day at my grandmother's house. we had to sell it after she died; before doing so, we (my aunt, mom, best friend, and myself) had to do a little--a lot of fixing up. my grandma and my mom's brother, who is autistic--he's the one in the doorway--had lived there for over 30 years; my mom grew up there. 

i snapped this shot when we were all saying goodbye after having worked on it for a year. we sold it to a few young men who fixed up houses and sold them for more than they bought them for...they weren't supposed to touch the house for 2 weeks after it was sold so we all could do our last minute packing and such. these guys didn't hold up their end of the deal, which was especially hard for my uncle, having lost so much, being a person who cannot cope mentally with change.

all of that being said, that was the place which really, truly felt like home to me, albeit i never lived there. so much is changing: school is out, my friends are busy living their lives while i take care of my mother. she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy a few weeks ago. chemo starts up soon. as does radiation. my dad isn't around much--busy with work, his biking, his drums, his bands...always busy. leaving me feeling much older than i really am.

so much is on my mind. all i want to do is figure out how to grow up without getting more weighed down. i want to feel free; i want to create; i want to contribute something meaningful; i want to love.